After a relatively quiet night, we got up around 7 AM. We were going to spend the day bonding with our children and getting the children's visa pictures taken. Mei Ling started the day by spitting up her whole morning bottle on me and my bed. Two hours later she pees all over me and my bed while I was changing her diaper. It was my clue that motherhood was not always going to be easy! It was confirmed later on that day when we were at Mc Donalds and she got diarrhea and it ran through her tights into my hand in the dining room! After that, I was pretty much able to handle anything!
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Mei Ling continued to be a smiling little girl. Connie called her a smiling Buddha because of her slightly round face. Whenever we went out, people always remarked about her big eyes. One man told Jill, "Almost look chinese" when referring to Mei Ling! Another woman told me Mei Ling was, "Foreigner!" Most however just crowded around and clucked her chin and made her laugh. The waiters and waitresses in the hotel knew her name and would crowd around and see her whenever we went into the restaurant. Mei Ling would frequently cause a commotion in the restaurant. I can't say that our meals were pleasant. Mei Ling was so active that she was not content to sit still for very long. Thank God by the third day I discovered her passion for Cheerios. She ate not only all of the Cheerios I had brought but also Lilly's and Cassie's (neither little girl liked them).
On Halloween, we dressed Mei Ling up as a jack-o'lantern. She was a hit with the American basketball team in the hotel. We went trick or treating to a few rooms but we did it in reverse -- we gave candy away. Mei Ling came away with a Tootsie Roll. I let her hold it since I didn't think she could do much with just her two lower teeth....Wrong! I looked down at her as she sat in my lap in the restaurant and she had managed to get through the paper and was totally enjoying herself with chocolate dripping down her chin.
Well that night was a turning point in our trip for me. I woke up that night with a sick feeling in my stomach and I knew I was in trouble. Me, who hasn't had the flu in 15 years managed to pick something up. I spent most of the night running to the bathroom. Mei Ling picked that night not to sleep all night and I was alternately holding her and running. When morning came, I felt like I was going to drop. Needless to say, I did no sightseeing that day. Instead Dr. Margaret came to see me. She spoke almost no english and my Chinese was very fractured, but I felt so sick I could not wait for Connie to return with the group to translate. Actually Margaret and I did pretty good, except that she was insistent I was going to take her medicine and not my own. She said I would be better in 2 days if I took her medicine. She gave me an injection in the hip. She made me drink something and left me some pills. After the bile/semen episode, I did not want to think about what was in that shot, drink, or pills! I was grateful that Jill had strapped on the Snugli and had taken Mei Ling sightseeing that day. Margaret sent a massage therapist to the room and that woman massaged my stomach so much that there was nothing left in me when she got done! I actually felt better that night. By then Jill had started a nightly routine of taking Mei Ling for a walk through the night outdoor market and shops. I neglected to share with you up until this point that Mei Ling did not necessarily like to sleep in her crib or my bed. She hated sleep and it got to the point that she did not like to be in our room very much. She would cry and scream when it was bed or nap time. We found however, if she went for a walk at night, that she would fall asleep without much fuss. So... bless her heart, Jill strapped on her "saddle" as she called it and took off with Mei Ling each night.
Despite the fact that I felt better, I was still quite weak from my episode. Thankfully Marie in our group had packed cup of soup and Gatorade. That stuff never tasted so good to me in all of my life! Jill continued to take Mei Ling sightseeing and on their nightly shopping sprees so that I could rest and get on my feet. I needed it because I was always the one who got up in the night when Mei Ling cried and generally it was me who changed all the diapers and gave all of the bottles. That did help with bonding. Mei Ling knew I was hers right from the start. Jill was her friend and aunt but I was the one she screamed for. Jill helped with the laundry and our room always had an array of wet clothing hanging around. After the 2nd week we had learned to roll the wet clothes in towels before hanging them to dry.
I should take some time here to talk about our tour guides. Charlie was changed as our guide and we were sad to see him go. The night we arrived in xiamen we had asked him if he would take us out to a restaurant and he said he would. It was quite the meal! Charlie didn't realize that for the most part, Americans don't eat those things. In his mind, he was taking us to a good restaurant! We walked up to the 3rd floor past the wiggling fish on the floor, past the eels, etc. We sat at 2 big tables which had lazy susans on them. He told us it was $15 a person. We said OK. What followed was a meal few in the group would forget. We didn't know what anything was that we were eating. Some in the group wouldn't even touch it. Charlie was sitting at the other table and didn't see what was going on at ours. Plate upon plate upon plate of food arrived. We didn't even have a clue as to how to eat it and the young waiters showed us. Even the tea was different. Our cups were packed with what looked like potpourri. A young boy in a really different yellow silk outfit which must have been regional, came around with a teapot that looked like a giant watering can with a skinny 2 foot long spout. He had the handle of the teapot on his shoulder and he started to pour the hot water into the cup 2" away from the cup and it shot out of the spout and went into the cup. After about the 3rd cup, I began to like it. Our food had to have been eel, shellfish which was the kind that we usually just look at the shells and say, "How pretty," squid, octopus, and I think there were some dishes of innards. Even the fried rice tasted strange. I will say, Charlie took us to an authentic chinese restaurant! Several of us tasted everything, but most hardly touched it. We kind of played with it to make it look like we had eaten. The waiters knew better. They kept laughing at our faces when we saw each new dish. Anyway.... Charlie was switched the next day to another group. We never did find out why. We could barely understand him, but we liked him. We got George instead. George was a little authoritarian. We wanted us marching behind him. He had his portable microphone and he tried to be charming but he was no Charlie. He kept saying, "Follow your guide. Stay with your guide." He gave us no time to shop or take pictures and his commentaries were reruns at times. He was pretty funny though. He got exasperated with me, especially when he said, "Kyle, stay with your guide" and I answered, "Then George, slow down." He used to pose questions as part of his commentaries and on the last day I even answered a few for him. I must admit I was naughty, but George liked me for the most part. I could say a few things in Chinese and I sang to him on the bus after he sang a few songs to us.
I did get to do some sightseeing. Xiamen prides itself on being a clean city. Every morning you would see women sweeping the streets. I went to Gulang Yu island (Xiamen itself is an island) one day. It was a beautiful little town with a type of cobblestone street. Everything was sparkling clean there and there were lots of strings of pearls for sale. We saw some women being transported by fancy sedan chairs. I don't believe there were any cars on the island. The aquarium was pretty funny.. and I don't mean that in a derisive way. It was small and not particularly modern. Most of us agreed we wouldn't have been upset if we had missed it. It was terribly hot that day and several of us were really feeling the heat.... in fact it was that night I got sick. On another day I went with my group to Jimei School Village which was also fascinating. There were lots of schools in a beautiful park-like setting right on the coast. I remember almost stepping on a big brown rat there and nearly having a heart attack but the rest of that trip was wonderful. Mei Ling traveled well to all of these places. She went places I didn't go to. All of the activity suited her just fine and she sat quietly in the Snugli and took it all in.
Jill was the best traveling companion I could have asked for. She was very independent and was great at finding bargains. She would go out scouting and then come back and tell me where I should go. We wound up taking a taxi back to the Buddhist Temple in Xiamen one afternoon when I felt better so that I could see what the group saw. That was fascinating. I expected to see just a temple but what I saw instead was many buildings with many Buddhas. Many people were bowing and chanting in front of the Buddhas while holding incense between their hands. The architecture was beautiful. There was a park-like setting around the buildings and there were big boulders with Chinese characters and writings on them. At one point we saw people throwing coins up onto the rocks trying to hit one of the sayings and have their coin stick there. Jill also found out about some stone carved figures in a cave out on Gulang Yu and went there on her own to find them. It was amazing but she did it with the help of a young boy. The rest of our group went to see them the next day. Jill shopped so well that I just gave her money at times and told her to buy for me whatever she found. I totally trusted her taste! She bought tapes of children's music and lullabies for Mei Ling, a world map which has China at the center, a scroll which was painted by hand by a woman on Gulang Yu, she found book and baby rattles, etc. She even managed to send Mei Ling a letter from Xiamen on the day of her adoption. It was written on Chinese stationary and is now in Mei Ling's memory book.
I must say that I felt very safe in China. I felt safer there than I do anywhere in the US. Boone is pretty safe but I am still careful. In China, Jill or I could go out any time day or night. We had total freedom at night. I've never felt that here. The Chinese people were kind to us and almost always tried to help us. The waiters and waitresses were wonderful to us. One day I was out trying to find diapers and a young man from the hotel who was a friend of Dr Margaret saw me and took me to a store a mile away and stayed with me until I got what I needed. He even stopped to help me buy a popular Chinese CD and then argued with the clerk when he thought i was being charged too much. Dr Margaret found out that the massage therapist overcharged me by a significant amount (I managed to tell her that despite our language differences!) and that night the therapist was at my door handing me back 1/2 the money she had charged me and she said "sorry" about 10 times. Despite the emotional turmoil and the physical problems, my stay in Xiamen was nice.
There were times I felt overwhelmed by how much I was finding my life changing. Besides being wiped out by whatever it was I had, I also was very much aware that I had someone totally dependent on me for the first time in my life. I have always been very independent. I remember one day looking out of my hotel window and seeing some single people getting out of a Mercedes. I must admit for an instant I felt wistful. Mei Ling had been really fussy to the point of screaming that day and I was tired and couldn't sleep because Mei Ling wouldn't. It was one of the days when I was walking the circuit around the hallways (mind you...there was usually someone else walking it with their daughter too). Mei Ling's breathing was fine but thanks to the Vantin had begun to develop a diaper rash. By the time we left Xiamen after 10 days, that diaper rash was a 4 alarm fire.
The flight to Guangzhou was uneventful. All the things I had heard about Chinese airlines did not match my experience. The planes were fine and Mei Ling flew well. The Holt reps were there to meet us with a bellhop from the White Swan. We waited for a bus to take us there while our luggage went on ahead. What a change from Xiamen. To my eye, Guangzhou was like a big Western city. When we pulled up to the White Swan that night, it reminded me of a Las Vegas hotel minus the slot machines. We drove across a bridge or some type of road that was lined with lights in a fleur-de-lit type of pattern. There were lights everywhere on the outside of that hotel. It was impressive. I thought that the lobby at the Holiday Inn was nice but the lobbies of the White Swan were something to behold with all of the art work. Ambiance is quite something there. The rooms however were smaller than the Holiday Inn and the food at the coffee shop was not as good as at the one in Xiamen (I have never had a breakfast buffet like we had at the Holiday Inn every morning!). When we got settled in that night, we went to a conference room to do our paperwork for the American Consulate. Our appt. was 10AM the next morning and we had to have the physicals done by then. We also found out that we most likely would be leaving 3 days early to go home. Jill, the adventurer was not happy about that.
Well... the next day we went for the physicals. Miss Happy Go Lucky Mei Ling SCREAMED when she was weighed. It took a couple of minutes to get her to sit on that scale. She was determined not to do it. My biggest concern was her constant diarrhea and diaper rash caused by the Vantin she was still taking but lo and behold when that diaper came off... it was dry! Dr pronounced her healthy and we took off for the hotel. Our time at the Consulate was easy and pleasant. No problems and we were out of there in no time at all. I called the Holt rep in Hong Kong to find out what our options were for the return flight home. I wanted to get home and take care of Mei Ling's constant diarrhea and what was now a bleeding diaper rash (Dr Margaret had told me to keep the diaper off but with the diarrhea and staying in fancy hotels... one try at it was quite enough!). Jill wanted to stay since we had budgeted for it anyway. I also wanted to leave to make sure nothing could go wrong before we left the country. I thought we could compromise. Well, when the Holt rep called back, he had misunderstood my request and booked the change in flight. We were going to be among the first to go and we were to leave a day and a half later. I looked at Jill and said "Go quickly and spend the day doing whatever you want." I stayed back at the hotel with Mei Ling. Jill took a half day tour and had an exciting time in the market when a bag of snakes got loose! The guide was hanging on to her screaming! Jill took pictures of rats and cats in cages waiting to be sold for dinner (I have copies for anyone who wants to see!). That night we went to the Hard Rock Cafe which was in the basement of the China Hotel. Mei Ling had her picture taken with her first balloon and french fry. Jill meanwhile had managed to find a nice little shop around the corner from the hotel and we each bought handmade quilts to take home along with lots of smaller things. The chops made there were quite nice in little red boxes. I bought Mei Ling a tea set for when she got older. My biggest find was in the White Swan. there was a shop selling dolls and I spied a Monkey King doll (thank goodness I had watched Big Bird in China and knew about it!). I bought it and bought some Monkey King books and paper cuts in the bookstore. Someday they will mean something to Mei Ling.
Our group had a final meal altogether (it was actually our first one together with our daughters) at the coffee shop. It cost $30 a person for the buffet and I must say, I did not eat $30 worth of food. We probably should have gone to the barbecue restaurant which had good food and was more reasonable. Anyway... the next day we left for home.
The first stop was Hong Kong. We had a 13 HOUR layover in the airport!! After she was sure we were fine, Jill took off to go into Hong Kong for the day and do some shopping. Mei Ling's diaper rash was continuing to bleed and I was frustrated. I did not know how to treat. It responded to nothing I used and diaper changes were nightmares. Mei Ling did quite well otherwise. I had bought a stroller in Guangzhou thinking she could sleep in it in the airport and that is what she did. She was not too fond of it otherwise. On the flight home at 10:45PM (we had left the White Swan at 6:15AM), we had a bassinette for Mei Ling which was quite nice. Cathay Pacific gave us a small diaper bag full of diapers, wipes, a rattle and toy. They also gave us formula. Mei Ling slept a good part of the trip and did well. I fell asleep on the plane for the first time in my life. I really feel it was do to the emotional and psychological exhaustion as well as the physical.
We landed in LA and were going to spend the night there. It turned into a mini-nightmare. The person who was originally was supposed to meet us was out of town (remember, we were arriving 3 days early). I wasn't sure of the name of our hotel and couldn't find it in a directory. I had no change to use for the phone and when I finally got some Mei Ling was screaming so loudly for Jill that I could barely concentrate on what I was doing. I finally located my friend's husband and he told me she had gone away not knowing I would be arriving on Sat. vs Tues. Turns out the hotel had changed names and it didn't have a shuttle. It was 20 miles away. Finally the Travelers Aid person stepped in and helped us. She managed to get the hotel to cancel the reservation for us and put us in a hotel that was closer to the airport. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to get Jill and Mei Ling and head for the doors. Well... what did we encounter?? Yellow Police tape. We couldn't get out of the doors. Someone had left a suitcase somewhere and they had the bomb squad on the way. Incredible! Welcome to America! We finally got ourselves and out luggage out a side door and got onto the street to get the hotel shuttle. Easy, right? No! All of the traffic had been rerouted and there was a big traffic jam. To give you an idea of timeframe... we landed at 7PM. We got to the hotel which was 5 minutes form the airport at 10:45. Mei Ling was really good during it all but had quite the diaper by the time we got to our room. I peeled it off her and put her straight in the sink. I wanted to hit the bed so much but Mei ling had other ideas. She had jetlag and was wide awake and she began to yell when she saw the crib. The 2 of us eventually fell asleep in each other's arms in my bed. It shocked me when she woke up crying a 2. I had no clue where I was at first, nor what was going on. We stayed up for 2 hours and then went back to sleep. Jill, thank God is a sound sleeper and missed a good portion of it. The next morning we split up from Aunt Jill who was flying home to Orlando. We flew to Phoenix so that Mei Ling could meet her grandmother, great aunt, aunt and uncle and cousins. We had a wonderful week together. I really appreciated being with mom who helped us. The diaper rash disappeared because the Vantin had stopped. Mei Ling got a clean bill of health from the Dr and after a big party, we headed home for Charlotte, where a new adventure awaited us. But that's another story!
So...did we have a wonderful trip? No...wonderful is not a word I would use. It was physically and emotionally taxing. Was my trip like other people's trip? No, in some ways it was easier (Holt took very good care to make sure it was). I saw no bad toilets. I wasn't worried about cleanliness. I didn't have any harrowing bus trips. The hotels we stayed in were better than most American ones I stay in. My daughter came to me happily and did not have major health problems. We bonded nicely. She wasn't in foster care but she had to be well-cared for or else her sunny, happy disposition would not have been so pronounced. We had no major mishaps (except on the American portion of the trip!). We had some adventures, but when I look back at the trip, I mainly remember the emotions.... the anxiety beforehand, the wonderment of our first day together, the frustration due to lack of sleep and probably some residual jetlag, the shock of realizing I had someone dependent on me 24 hours a day and that spontaneity was going to be curtailed for awhile, the worry about the bleeding diaper rash and the helplessness I felt treating it. I remember the tiredness, perspiring profusely from the heat, pains and spasms in my hands, particularly between my thumb and first finger from picking Mei Ling up, feelings of just wanted to be in familiar surroundings as I was dealing with new situations and relationships. These are the things I remembered as I looked back on my trip. It wasn't until I sat down to write this that I remembered many of the other things. Many people wanted to hear about the trip and had some romanticized notions of it. I was not ready to share. I was still sorting out things. My daughter and I were still and are still getting to know each other. Most of my time has been spent focusing on her. My life as I previously knew it had permanently changed. Some of those changes have been good and some needed time to get used to. I've had to learn to ask for help at times and realize I need some time on my own (day care has been a blessing for both of us). Some of my friends have backed away and some new ones have stepped forward. Work is harder. I don't have the time to devote to it the way I used to. However I am learning to work smarter and to have balance in my life. My life no longer revolves around my work. Mei Ling is turning into the joy of my life. It didn't happen over night. I don't think either of us felt this big gush of love. We have both been happy but it is taking time for us to know each other and to know ourselves. You can't love someone if you don't know them. You can only love who you think they are. Someone once said, "The dream of a reality is always better than the reality of the dream." We conjure up visions of what we think it will be like. Motherhood is a big adventure for me at this point. Mei Ling and I laugh and play together. She has brought the child out in me. Some people say I have mellowed (I still think it might be sleep deprivation!). Mei Ling is a very happy little girl. She lights up when I pick her up at daycare. She plays with all of the children and is well-liked by her care-takers. She's a favorite at the Drs office where we are frequent visitors (she manages to pick up every spare germ around). Her first birthday is this week and she will have a party. She blesses me by being who she is and I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. All the years I spent yearning for a child to love are now just distant memories. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a more beautiful and nicer child. She keeps me running but she has brought life into my life. A number of people said to me, "This must have been your best Christmas," and my answer to them was, "Yes, it was quietly spent here in Boone with some friends (I couldn't face another plane!). There weren't a lot of presents nor big displays, but the hole that has been in my heart for years is filled. That alone made it my best Christmas."
I will end here. There is a lot more I could have said, but I won't. I wrote this for Mei Ling as much as for friends and myself. Life with Mei Ling is a continuous adventure. And I will continue to write it down and give it to her when she is 18.
Kyle Messner